I am self diagnosing myself. I really believe that I have abandoned house syndrom. I see the stories of the past. I see what it looked like when it was first created. I see what it was like when everything was functioning as it should and playing its part. I also see the other side. I see what it could look like with a little work and love and care. I see the potential for beauty and incredible memories to be made again. I don't want to disregard that. I want to develop it and challenge myself to make it great. It will for sure take time, probably lots of it. It wont be easy, but to me I can still see worth in that work. But yet sometimes the house and bulldozed and you really dont know why and you think back to ways you could have changed it. But that is a waste of energy.
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| Love me some hardwood floors |
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| This space was incredible, exposed brick..yes please. |
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| Who doesn't love built in storage? |
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| But yet still...sometimes.. it gets bulldozed...stories, histories, memories, possibilities. |
I just have a fight in me. I hate when things dont work and I feel like I wasn't able to give it everything I could have. However, even when I can not understand I know my God knows exactly that I need. And clearly I needed it to be bulldozed. And one day hopefully I will be able to look back and see and understand. Today I am thankful. I am grateful for the times I had with the abandoned house. The things I learned about myself when I was there. I will rejoice in the life that it lived. It will live on in other ways and hopefully bring grace and peace in those ways. I am blessed for having the opportunity to dream, explore, grow, and learn.
i love you.